


Unanswered Prayers

by Enby_Baby



Series: Break Me Down (Sabriel) [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apocalypseverse (Supernatural), Canonical Character Death, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Episode: s13e22 Exodus, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Praying Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Has Mental Health Issues, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Season/Series 13, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29027532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enby_Baby/pseuds/Enby_Baby
Summary: Sequel to Break Me Down; can be read as a stand alone but I recommend reading the first one.Set after they return from the apocalypse world in season 13“Hey Gabriel-” Sam pauses, he wants to believe the archangel is listening to his prayer, the wordsfeel empty all the same, “This is stupid, but uh-- I guess I’m just hoping you’re still out there, thatyou can still hear me.”
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Series: Break Me Down (Sabriel) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129457
Comments: 11
Kudos: 29
Collections: Supernatural





	Unanswered Prayers

**Author's Note:**

> I was just going to leave Break Me Down as a standalone, but I wanted to hurt more, so here we go! :)

Everything is fine. The portal is shut; Lucifer and Michael are trapped in that broken world, most likely tearing each other apart as they’ve always done. All things considered there hadn’t been many casualties, and now they have a bunker full of hunters who don’t belong in this world. Given the circumstances, and how terribly this plan could have gone, everything is fine.

Sam’s surprised they had enough beer to cater to everyone, but as he walks through the library he doesn’t see a single hand bare of that glass bottle. They’re all talking amongst themselves, the chatter fades into white noise and Sam doesn’t bother deciphering any of the conversations. He offers some half-ass excuse when someone tries to engage with him. God he just needs some silence, a moment to decompress from everything, a moment to mourn yet another life he couldn’t save.

He’s almost made it to the hallway, and in turn the sweet emptiness of the rest of the bunker, “Sammy!”

He pauses at the gruff voice, turning towards his brother. Dean excuses himself from a couple of the hunters, his older brother strides toward him with a tipsy gait Sam easily recognizes. How much had he drank already?

“You look like you could use a drink,” Sam shakes his head at the offered beer, offering what he thinks is a convincing smile when Dean frowns.

“Thanks, but I think I’m going to lay down for a bit. This all took a lot out of me.”

His frown deepens, and when he speaks next it’s soft, private, “You alright?”

“Yeah... yeah,” Sam doesn’t think his brother believes this, “just took a lot out of me, all of this. I need a minute.”

Green eyes scan his face, looking for some sign of a lie. Finding nothing he offers a smile Sam can easily read as his _‘i’m here if you need me’_ smile. Sam only nods.

Making his way down the hallway the voices fade into a near-silent buzz, and the resounding quiet is oddly foreboding. He turns the light to his bedroom on as soon as the door shuts, the dark feels too oppressive. 

It’s on repeat behind his eyelids, the moment that blade pierced through Gabriel’s heart. The bright, magnificent light that followed. Gabriel died with as much beauty as he lived, and Sam can’t scrub the image of those breathtaking wings from his mind and the way they burned into the ground with a finality that hurts.

Sam remembers the first time the archangel had died, or at least when Sam had thought he died, remembers the odd sort of emptiness that had followed. Gabriel had died for the Winchester’s back then too. Yet, this feels final and yet Sam can’t believe it, doesn’t want to believe it-- so he does the only thing he can.

“Hey Gabriel-” he pauses, he wants to believe the archangel is listening to his prayer, the words feel empty all the same, “This is stupid, but uh-- I guess I’m just hoping you’re still out there, that you can still hear me.”

Sam stops, allowing the sudden tightness in his chest to dissipate into something bearable. He doesn’t let his eyes stray from a crack in the drywall, he barely blinks afraid of what he’ll see behind closed eyelids even for a moment.

“We did it. We got Mom and Jack back, we’re all okay--” Sam hates the doubt that follows that, they’re all okay, he’s going to be okay, “I finally beat Lucifer, left him over there with Michael-- You woulda been proud..”

A shaky smile quirks his lips, Gabe would’ve been happy for him, would’ve reassured him he’d done the right thing-- Idly he knows there shouldn’t be any doubt about it, and his smile falls to nothing once again.

“Things were finally looking up, ya know? I thought I finally had you back... I thought maybe you were really starting to care for me like I did you and--” he huffs shaking these thoughts away, “Maybe I was just hopeful.”

_'Dammit Sam, I need you!'_

Their conversation plays through his mind, he can hear Gabriel's voice with such clarity he thinks momentarily it might be real. His eyes burn when it fades. Those words hadn’t been said lightly and Sam’s heart aches when that realization crosses him.

“I miss you,” and Sam hates how quickly that admission sends tears cascading from his eyes. He wipes them away, clearing his throat when it begins to clog, “I uh-- When I thought you were dead before it was easier… I think a part of me knew you were still out there playing your stupid tricks.”

A chuckle escapes his scratchy throat, it’s hollow. An ache in his hands pulls his attention for a moment, looking down he realizes how tightly he’s gripping the sheets beneath him. His knuckles are a sickly white and his hands tremble fervently, Sam takes a moment to force his grip to relax, the following cramp is welcome.

“This time feels different, it feels real and I--I don’t know what to do… god I miss you, Gabriel. I miss you.”

He doesn’t bother wiping the wetness away from his cheeks. Maybe if he’d tried harder he could have talked Gabriel into coming with him, realistically he knows the archangel’s heart was set. It feels like an impossible scenario and yet Sam can’t stop thinking that he could have stopped this, he should have stopped this. Gabriel is just another name to add to the list of people the Winchesters have gotten killed. Sam feels his fists clench beneath him again, and the faint anger is much more welcome than the unbearable self-loathing. Why does he lose everything he cares about, why does everyone leave?

“You should’ve come back with us-- but you just had to be a fucking hero and-” the words choke him up and that barely there anger fades quickly into a sort of numb hurt that quickly saps the energy from his body. Sam sniffles, rubbing at his face and ignoring the way it dampens his sleeve. The murmur of voices reaches him from somewhere far off, they sound happy- How can everyone be so happy after all this, when Sam is spiralling once again without a way to stop it. It’s not fair, and Sam despises how childish that thought is.

“I can’t-- I don’t want to do this without you, Gabe… If-if you can hear me, wherever you are…”

_I need you._

“...Please come back to me.”


End file.
